After a short holiday I’m back to work tomorrow and part of me is looking forward to it and a huge part of me is dreading it. I’m already counting the hours and that can’t be a good thing. As I’ve kind of hit a block in the path with my mental health, I’m quite anxious of how I will cope being back at work and am already thinking about how to get around doing certain things. I really don’t want to be thinking like this. I want to avoid a panic attack, from being anxious as to how travelling to work is going to be to actually having to touch people. It’s Sunday tomorrow so my route to travel will be relatively quiet which is a big comfort, just hoping public transport will be working but where I work Sundays are our busiest and I can already see my hands shaking as soon as I have to start.
I can only conceal so much at work, or make good excuses regarding my behaviour and why I can’t do certain things. I’m dreading anything involving me having to count and it’s unavoidable tomorrow, so what do I do: Stop in my tracks? make an excuse and get someone else to do it? I could probably get away with that but I know that would be far from helpful with recovery, but then my option is to stand there for who knows how long and keep counting in front of everyone. That doesn’t sound ideal either.
I know that what I should do today is relax, engage in meditation or mindfulness to help prepare for tomorrow.