It’s OCD Action week and more than ever have I wanted to contribute to a cause. When I really needed help, I didn’t receive the help I needed and more than anything I don’t want that to happen to anyone else. OCD is gravely misunderstood, some people treat the condition as a joke and that is why I use to find it hard to talk about and at times still do. It effects my life everyday and even more so recently.
I have never had the compulsion to wash and clean, a few times perhaps but not enough to see it as a problem for myself. Recently I have taken a step back and realised that I have been a bit out of control. I think what really gave it away was the looks I’ve been getting when I do or say something ‘odd’. I now have a cleaning routine, hand washing routine, which means it has to be done in a certain way, certain amount of times and after touching certain things and I refuse to touch certain things. I have eczema too so my hands are suffering as is my face. It saddens me, as I don’t want to go backwards and at the same time engaging in another compulsion amongst many others is not going backwards, it’s life.
I have come so far from a few years ago, even if small steps, why I can’t I let myself be proud of that. I engage in checking, I can say checking ruined my life. Well I was going to list the different types of obsessive compulsive disorder I have but going through it I realize the list mostly compromises of everything. Recently false memories have been placed in my mind, mixed with PTSD this makes it hard for me to utilisie the tools I was taught to help me tackle the memories. I have books I bought to help me, but reading is an issue linked to OCD so at a bit of a dead end.
It’s a cycle for sure, I have to remember to take each day as it is, I try my best to but as many people can also relate when you have a mix of mental health disorders it’s like a stack on your shoulders. I went outside today, in the garden 😉 I think that counts? It was nice, I took my cat for a walk, he’s been cooped up for ages and he is definitely owed sometime out so I slapped on a lens and took some photos to distract myself, being with nature definitely helps. OCD Action Link